Caregiving, Depression, and Poetry

Since I was thirteen years old, I’ve used poetry as one of my outlets for depression. Whether reading poems by someone else or writing my own, poetry has helped me find meaning in my emotions and experiences. As a Black-Asian queer person who became an unpaid family caregiver in adulthood, poetry has become a vital coping mechanism for my continued survival.

When you are creative and marginalized, you’re taught by capitalism to define your worth by how often you create, how much you create, and how much praise and how many accolades you get. I often remind myself that just because I only write once a month or go months without writing, doesn’t mean that I’m not still a poet.

For the first nine years being my mother’s caregiver, I moved away from my poetry practice. By 2022, I was tired of numbing my feelings. My depression worsened in those years when I couldn’t make time for self care and creativity. I wanted to acknowledge my emotions and discover my true poetic voice. I made time to read poetry during the evening when my mother went to bed. I rediscovered poetry beyond what I’d been taught, reading pop culture and video game poetry at online literary magazines such as FreezeRay Poetry and Videodame.

One particular poem inspired by the video game series Kingdom Hearts rekindled my passion for poetry. By seamlessly weaving together events from the game with the author’s personal feelings, this poem demonstrates that video games are an art form that can provide catharsis and inspire other art. It inspired me to write my own Kingdom Hearts poem, “Limit Break”.

Partly inspired by my replay of the video game “Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days” and my own experiences with depression, “Limit Break” was a cathartic way to acknowledge my mental health. Like the Kingdom Hearts’ character Roxas, I turned my pain into power. By writing this poem, I was able to show myself that even at my lowest point, I can call on the strength to keep living and fight my personal demons. When it was published at the video game criticism website Into The Spine, it also reaffirmed my identity as a poet.

After I wrote “Limit Break”, I decided that making time for poetry was necessary for my survival. While doing this, I also remembered to be kind to myself as a person. If I had time during the day between freelance work and caregiver duties, I’d check out at least one online literary magazine. Or I might read a poem from a book I already owned. If I felt inspired or compelled to sit with my feelings during the evening, I’d type up random lines on my phone.

Writing poetry has reminded me that I am more than a caregiver. I’m a person whose feelings deserve to be acknowledged in whatever way I choose. Through poetry, I express my emotion and imagination to find meaning, peace, and beauty amid a stressful life. Writing poems makes living with depression possible by giving my heart a voice so I don’t suffer in silence.

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Latonya “Penn” Pennington (they/them) is a caregiver, poet, and freelance writer. Their poetry has been published online at Videodame, All My Relations, and Sage Cigarettes, among others; meanwhile, their freelance work can be found at online publications such as Pop Heist, Into More, and Yatta-Tachi. You can find them on Bluesky and WordsFromAPenn.

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